Letting Go
by woundedhearts
Summary: The boys have finished school and are making some diffcult decisions, will Zack's love for his brother affect his plans for the future? This is NOT a twincest/slash story!
1. Chapter 1

**Letting Go - Chapter 1: Promise me!**

**The Present**

Cody Martin sat on the couch in the suite he shared with his mother. His law books lay scattered all around him, while he studied for a major exam he would take that week. He knew this test would make or break his college career, and possibly his dreams of getting into law school, and becoming a top criminal lawyer.

Cody rubbed his hands over his face, hoping it would help his mind to stay alert. He had already consumed enough coffee to keep Columbia in the green for years to come, and somehow another cup just didn't seem to satisfy his need to stay awake. He was beyond stressed, beyond all hope, as his mind kept going over his certain failure.

As Cody removed his hands from his face, the first thing he noticed was his brother's picture lying on the end table by the couch. 'You can do it buddy, I know you can. Just relax, take a break and you'll be able to start fresh.' Those words came back to him many times over, when he had been stressed over a project coming up or an exam he had to cram for.

But, it also brought back the pain of that day, he hadn't meant those words. But, he had been angry, hurt and terrified for his brother. He wanted so badly to deter Zack's steps that he didn't care if he hurt him.

He needed Zack, and that day he realized, exactly how much….

***********************************

**Flash back: two years earlier**

"Dude, you're dribbling" Zack called to his twin. Zack and Cody were currently in the throes of a heated game of basketball. Two on two, against Bob and Woody, and presently, they were losing.

"Cody, listen to me." Zack yelled over to him, as he continued to block Bob's attempts at getting by him.

"Zack, I know what I am doing." Cody called back, just as Woody saw his chance and stole the ball from under him.

He didn't waste any time and headed down the court. Zack watched helplessly as Woody then slammed the ball into the hoop, therefore, winning the game.

Cody turned and watched his frustrated brother walk off the court. Ever since heading back from seven seas high, they had been butting heads more often then he'd care too admit? He sighed and ran after him, finally catching up to him at a bench that lined the basketball courts perimeter.

"Zack, I am sorry, I honestly thought I had it." Cody explained.

"Cody, why don't you ever listen to me?" Zack began angry a little annoyed.

"We could've have won this, if you had only paid attention to what I was trying to tell you." Zack insisted.

"I was listening, but this time I needed to go on my instincts, I had the ball!" Cody explained as he and Zack turned their heads in time to see Woody and Bob finishing up their victory dance.

"Yah, I can see that!" Zack threw his sweater over his shoulder, and tried to calm down as he took a shug from his water bottle.

"Look, Zack I'm sorry." Cody stated.

"Save it!" Zack bit back a little too forcefully.

"What is your problem?" Cody was now the one who was getting angry. "You've been biting my head off ever since we came home. What's wrong?"

Zack slumped down on the bench and stared at the concrete in front of him. Cody instantly knew something was up and sat down beside him.

"Codes, I've been thinking a lot about the future and I 'm not too sure where to go from here." Zack stated as a matter of fact.

"Zack I thought you were planning on working, and taking some business classes at the community college." Cody asked.

"I don't know…I don't think I really want to go back to school just yet." Zack stated.

"Cody, if I tell you something, I want you to promise me you won't freak out." Zack said, looking directly into his brother's eyes. Cody simply nodded and Zack continued.

"I stopped at an army recruitment office yesterday, just to get some information. Cody the things I learned, the life I could lead is so….." Zack began and Cody immediately noticed the sparkle in his eye and the excitement in his voice.

Zack wanted to do this, he was serious about this. And Cody's stomach fell as he realized all the dangers, that would come from a life, his brother was now describing to him.

"No! No! You can't, I forbid you." Cody Screamed, as he jumped to his feet.

"You forbid me, what are you my mom." Zack replied, getting up and facing his brother.

"You're not going!" Cody cried.

"See, I knew you'd freak out." Zack replied.

"Yes, yes I am freaking out. Do you watch the news, do you not know what's going on over there. They could send you there and you may be wounded for life, or worse….killed." Cody whispered the last part, and collapsed back onto the bench.

"Or I may come back okay, and go on to live a long healthy, happy life." Zack interjected.

"You don't know that for sure, and the risk is too high." Cody quietly stated.

"Cody they may not send me off right away." Zack explained.

"I don't care." Cody said thinking of the news footage he had watched the night before about a poor family who would never see their loved one again.

"Codes, I need you to be okay with this." Zack said.

"Zack, I can't. I can't be okay with something like this. Something that may get you killed, you can't ask me to do that…I can't lose you. I know I'm probably being selfish, but I need you. Don't do this…please don't do this. Promise me, Zack please promise me?" Cody began to cry and Zack pulled him closer, knowing, the next few words would seal his fate.

"I promise!" Zack whispered into his little brother's ear.

************************************

**The** **Present**

Cody was awakened from his thoughts as a knock sounded from his front door. He found himself wishing that they would just go away, so he could get back to the task at hand. But, as the knock came again he stood up, opened the door and froze. Standing in the doorway was a man dressed in a military uniform holding a piece of paper in his hand.

***AN: I wanted to take a slight break from writing "Consequences" although I have brainstormed the next few chapters, I am still working on a few new angles.**

**Anyway, I spent most of the day writing this story and wanted to share it with you. It will be a 4 or 5 shot, I haven't decided if I want to add a fifth chapter yet, but we will see. **

**As always all reviews would be appreciated…many thanks! :)***


	2. Chapter 2

**Letting go – chapter 2: Past Regrets.**

**The present**

Cody stood staring at the man, unable to speak or to move. The man in turn tried to get Cody's attention by waving a hand in front of his face, but with no benefit. Cody felt himself being guided toward the living room couch.

He knew this man was speaking to him, but Cody heard nothing. Finally when all other attempts failed, he felt himself being shaken, and something inside him snapped back to life.

"Cody, are you alright?" the stranger eyed him with concern.

"How do you know my name?" Cody told him and remembered the piece of paper.

"I know all there is too know. Your brother and I are members of the same unit and he talks about you all the time. Wow, it's amazing you look exactly alike." The man noted Cody's appearance, and how similar it was too his brother's. "If I didn't know better I would have thought I was actually talking to your brother."

"My name is Private Nathan Bryers, "Nat" if you prefer," the young man said and extended his hand. Cody shook it warily.

"Zack and I made a deal that if anything were to happen to either one of us, the other would notify the family in person." Nat stated.

"Is he okay? What happened?" Cody asked a note of worry in his voice.

"I'm afraid not, there's been an accident and we need to go."

********* ***********************

**Two years earlier**

It had been a few weeks since he had made his brother promise to stay home. And Cody couldn't feel worse if he had been body slammed onto a slab of concrete. Zack was miserable and Cody knew it was his fault.

He tried to get his twins mind off of the army and on to, well, anything else. But nothing worked.

Looking over toward the pile of letters on the table, Cody noticed a class schedule from the community college. He grabbed it, and immediately took a seat next to his brother on the couch.

"Zack, you know what I was thinking; there's this drawing class at the college that we could take together. It might be fun." Cody smiled.

Zack shrugged his shoulders, and turned up the volume on the TV.

"Hey let's watch a movie. There's a new Quentin Tarantino flick playing." Cody supplied, knowing how Zack idolized him.

Zack stayed quiet, and then his twin watched as a moment later his eyes went wide with interest.

They both turned toward the screen. There was a man in an army uniform, talking about the recruiting office, and how they desperately needed volunteers.

A longing set in for the older twin, and he frowned. Zack turned the set off and faced Cody.

"Zack, I don't want to talk about it." Cody stated, he got up and walked into their room, as Zack followed.

"Well Cody, I do!" He half shouted. "Don't turn away from me!"

Zack grabbed Cody's arm and turned him around to face him. Cody rubbed the spot Zack had just released.

"I'm sorry, are you okay?" Zack asked.

Cody nodded sadly and returned to the living room after retrieving a magazine.

"Cody we have to talk about this, I know you're scared of what may happen I'm right there with you." Zack said. "I've thought about the possible ramifications, and I'm willing to take the gamble."

"But do those "ramifications" include mom and me? Not one time have you mentioned us in that scenario?" Cody said.

"For the past few weeks you've talked about the dangers you could face. The things you'll have to go through the difficulties that lie ahead… for you." Cody deduced.

"Cody I have thought about that, I know this isn't going to be easy for anyone, but it's something that I need to do." Zack told him.

"You have to understand. I'm unhappy. You have the world at your feet and doors are open to you. I don't have that. If I don't do this then my life will be meaningless."

"That's bull; this has nothing to do with bettering your life or being happy. This has to do with playing hero." Cody said anger in his voice.

"Cody, it's my life and I am going to live it the way I want to." Zack retorted.

"You're wrong Zack; this isn't just your life." Cody replied. "Your decision affects us all."

"Cody how could you be so selfish?" Zack watched as his brother began to skim through the pages of his magazine and tore it from his grasp.

Cody immediately stood up and faced his brother continuing their argument.

"You made me a promise, are you going to keep it?" Cody said as Zack noticed the fear in his eyes.

"No Cody, I'm not." Zack stated without hesitation.

Cody slightly stepped back, as tears began to form under his eyelids. Zack took a step forward but Cody pulled away from his grasp.

"Zack if you do this, I will never forgive you." Cody whispered his heart in his throat, and the pain in his eyes.

"I am sorry." Zack said turning and walking out of the suite.

Two weeks later, Cody watched his brother and mother say their goodbyes, from a window high above the city streets.

His heart breaking, he looked on, as for a brief second, Zack wavered before he slid into the cab's back seat.

Cody continued to stare, until the yellow vehicle rounded the corner, and disappeared from sight.

***********************

**The Present**

The next few hours were spent getting ready for the trip. Zack had been sent to a military hospital on the east coast. Nat couldn't, or wouldn't give them too many details, just that Zack was alive and he needed his family.

And so they were off….

**(An: I have to warn you these chapters are slightly shorter then what I'm used to. But hopefully the content will make up for that. Please read and review, many thanks! Smiles :) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Letting Go – Chapter 3: Why?**

**The Present **

The plane ride into Washington D.C. from Logan international only took under two hours but, the boarding process took forever. Which meant by the time the three travelers disembarked it was well past two in the morning, and they would have to wait until the sun came up to get any answers.

Nat and Carey talked a little on the plane ride over, while Cody tried to get some shut eye. But sleep eluded him.

He lay still, his eyes closed pretending to be asleep, while he listened to the conversation going on between his two companions.

"Zack talked about Cody continuously. Always telling me about these crazy adventures he and his little brother shared while growing up." Nat told his friends mother.

"Crazy would be an understatement." Carey laughed.

"He told me the strangest stories about all these different characters that inhabited both the hotel and the ship." Nat lowered his voice and leaned in, as if sharing a secret. "Can I ask you something?"

Carey nodded and Nat voiced his question. "Does Arwin exist?"

Carey laughed out loud making a few of the passengers turn their heads. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself. Arwin does have quite a personality."

"He's real?" Nat replied a stunned expression on his face.

"Yes, very much so," Carey replied.

"I regret ever thinking Zack was full of it." Nat confessed which made Carey's smile broaden.

Suddenly Nat's smile turned serious and he looked over toward Cody who appeared to be fast asleep. Directing his attention back to Carey he asked his next question carefully as to not upset her.

"This maybe none of my business, but, what happened between them?" Nat curiously asked. "Zack never wanted to talk about it, but I would catch him every now and again staring at their picture, with a sad faraway look in his eyes."

"So he never told you what happened?" Carey asked him.

"No, he always told me to mind my own business." Nat smirked and so Carey began to fill him in on the events leading up to the morning Zack left.

"Zack had his heart set on becoming a soldier and Cody didn't exactly care for the plan." Carey began.

"Why not?" Nat asked. "It's a noble calling."

"Cody was afraid of what could happen, and I think that fear clouded his judgment." Carey stated. "Cody has always been academically minded and willing to work hard to get what he wanted. Zack wasn't quite so determined."

Nat thought about this a bit, he pictured his hardworking, over achieving friend and wondered if maybe Carey was talking about a completely different person.

"As for Zack, I think that he wanted to prove to his baby brother that he could take on a challenge and see it through." She guessed.

"So in essence, Zack wanted Cody to be proud of him." Nat concluded.

"Partly yes." Carey supplied. "I think Zack wanted to prove something to himself as well."

"But those last two weeks were heartbreaking for a mother to watch. I thought this entire situation would tear them apart, and I guess in many ways it has."

Cody's mind wondered back to that night, as the two voices slowly faded away….

*********************************

**Two Years Earlier**

Cody stood staring at the open door that Zack had just walked through. He waited for Zack to return, to walk back in and say he had been wrong. But when ten minutes had passed, and there was no sign of him, he knew where Zack had gone too.

Dejected and hurt by Zack's action's he softly closed the front door and headed into the restroom. He removed a damp cloth from the towel rest and wiped the tears that were cascading down his face in a never ending stream.

"How could he do this to me?" Cody whispered to his reflection. "How could he be so heartless?"

Anger began to well up inside him, and an emotion he never thought he'd feel toward his twin emerged. Picking up the soap dispenser he hurled it at the wall causing it to shatter into a million little pieces.

"Damn you Zack!" Cody screamed sliding down to the floor he put his hands in his face and continued to cry.

"Cody are you alright?" Came his mother's voice from the other side of the door. "Did something break?"

Cody cleared his throat, and tried to make his voice sound calm and neutral.

"I'm fine, I just dropped the soap dispenser," he lied. "I'll be out in a minute."

Grabbing a few towels he began to clean up the mess he'd made. When it looked halfway descent he finished sweeping up the shards of glass and walked back into the living room.

"Cody are you okay?" Carey asked.

"Mom I told you I was," Cody replied as he walked past her preparing to head out the door, in order to take a walk and clear his head.

"Look sweetheart, I know this decision your brother has made is hard on you." Carey stated.

"Mom, Can we not talk about it." Cody told her grabbing his keys off the hook and opening the front door. But, his mothers next words made him freeze in his tracks.

"He's hurting Cody, you need to let him go. You need to give him a chance to be happy." Carey whispered sadly.

"I know." Cody replied quietly, "But how am I supposed to do that, when I know there's a good chance I may never see him again?"

With that Cody closed the door behind him and let his legs carry him away…..

******************************************

**The Present**

Cody awoke to the sound of the flight attendants voice making the final departing announcements. A half an hour later the group of three walked out of the airport, and into the damp early morning air.

Haling a cab proved to be quite simple in those wee hours, as they made their way to a hotel near the hospital where Zack was staying.

Cody and his mother listened as Nat recounted a few of Zack's escapades while they were in boot camp, making them all laugh, spending the remainder of the ride in comfortable conversation.

Suddenly Nat's phone began to ring, and he pulled it out of his coat to answer it.

"Hello?" Nat greeted the caller, "Yes this is he."

Carey and Cody listened to the one sided conversation intently noticing Nat's facial features.

"I see, yes I understand. We'll be there as soon as we can." Nat closed his phone and gave the driver a new address.

"What happened? Was that about Zack?" Carey said as a twinge of fear engulfed her.

Nat looked uncomfortable and turned to Cody for help. But he was just as frightened as his mother.

"That was the hospital," Nat took a deep breath and looked Carey directly in the eyes.

"Zack's heart stopped beating tonight…."

**An: Well, here is chapter three I hope you enjoyed it...wow that sounds weird to say after that cliffhanger. :( **

**I have decided to do a fifth chapter so there will be five in all! **

**Many Thanks to my readers and reviewers! Smiles! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Letting Go – Chapter 4: News….**

**The Present**

The taxi stopped in front of a large brick building that looked to be seven to eight stories high. Judging from its structure Cody would surmise that the hospital would have to be well over a hundred years old, as it appeared to have been influenced by early Victorian architecture.

But the grandeur of the building didn't deter Cody's thoughts, as he pictured his brother behind one of these many windows, lying in an unfamiliar bed, fighting for his life. As soon as they walked into the first floor receptionist area he felt almost a pull, coming from Zack.

Cody closed his eyes and sent his twin a silent message that he was here. And although he would never be able to confirm it, he knew in his heart his big brother had heard him.

After receiving their paperwork and the needed documentation they were directed to the Intensive Care Unit on the fourth floor. When they arrived they were greeted by an elderly black gentleman with a soft spoken voice and a warm smile.

"Hello, Nat I presume?" The man extended his hand to Nathan and he politely returned the greeting.

"I am Dr. Davis and I am in charge of Zack's case." He continued as he introduced himself to Carey and Cody.

"Doctor, is everything alright? Nat told us about Zack's heart." Carey asked him her voice laced with worry.

"Follow me, and I will explain everything to you." The doctor then led the small group down the long corridor and around a corner. They walked into a small office and sat down as they waited for the doctor to explain the circumstances.

"Zack was on patrol duty when a tank exploded about twenty yards from him. We were able to remove the metal shards that embedded themselves near his right hip, but not before a severe infection set in." he stated. "We have him on some strong antibiotics and are monitoring his progress, but as for now I have to be honest, it's touch and go. The next seventy two hours should tell us either way."

"What about his heart?" Cody asked anxious to know the truth.

"His heart was weakened by the infection but I don't see why he couldn't live a long happy life with medication. But I can't be one hundred percent sure until he comes too, and I can run some further tests." Dr. Davis answered. "I wish I had better news, but like I said he's not out of the woods yet."

"But, if you were taking bets, what would his chances of a full recovery be?" Carey asked him.

"I don't usually do this but, in my personal opinion, I would say don't count him out just yet. Zack is a brave young man, with a strong will to live." Dr. Davis answered. "He'll find a way to survive."

********************************************

**Two years earlier**

Cody gazed out the window as he sat waiting for Zack and his mom to finish packing in the other room. It felt awful knowing that his brother's bed would now lay empty just a few feet from him.

Since the day they were born they'd been inseparable, and now, their lives would lead them in two different directions and evidentially maybe even two parts of the world. Cody leaned his head up against the cold glass and felt abandoned and slightly betrayed by his other half.

"Mom, seriously this is too much." Zack chuckled dragging his duffel bag across the floor. "I can't even pick this thing up and it's embarrassing, I'll be laughed out of the army before I have even set foot on the grounds."

"I just want to make sure you'll have everything you need." Carey said as a tear slipped down her cheek and she hugged her son for the hundredth time today. "After all I won't be around to look after you."

"Mom I'm nineteen years old, I'm a man now." Zack told her as a hurt look crossed her face. "I don't need you to look after me anymore."

"I guess not." Carey hung her head and sighed. "But, you grew up so fast. I miss my little boys."

Zack sighed and hugged his mother adding the total to a hundred and one. As he let her go, she wiped her eyes and helped him unload some of his belongings. When they were finished Carey watched as Zack looked over toward his brother once more.

"Why don't I head down to the lobby and wait for you there. Give you and Cody a chance to talk." Carey stated leaving the suite a minute later.

"So are you planning on ignoring me forever?" Zack called to his brother but received no reply.

"Codes you could at least say goodbye." Zack said. "I can't spend my time worrying about you. Say something."

"Why would you worry about me, it isn't like you care." Cody told him.

"Okay, now say something intelligent." Zack stated sarcastically.

"Leave me alone!" Cody replied as he repositioned himself in the chair so more of his back was facing his brother.

"That's it!" Zack stormed over to his younger twin.

He turned the chair and Cody toward him so they were face to face. Then placed a hand on the arm rest on each side of him and successfully blocked any form of escape.

"Zack let go of my chair." Cody shouted angrily.

"Not until we finish this," Zack replied frowning.

"There's nothing to finish, now let me out." Cody placed his hands flat on his brother's chest and tried to push him away.

"Cody stop struggling, and tell me why the hell you're so damn mad." Zack barked. "The real reason."

"Fine, because you're a selfish bastard that only thinks of himself." Cody hollered. "And I'm sick of it."

Before Cody knew what he was doing he pulled back his fist and brought it back, slamming it hard into Zack's jaw. The older twin stumbled backward and landed on his back with a hard thud.

"Zack I…." Cody began but before he could finish Zack lunged at him slamming his head into Cody's stomach and knocking the wind out of him, as they both fell to the floor.

Before either of them knew what was happening a full on fist fight had begun, cementing the distance between the two brothers.

Zack had Cody pinned underneath him, refusing to let him up until he answered his question.

"Zack if you don't know the answer to that, I am sure as hell not going to tell you." Cody whispered. "Now get off of me."

Zack quietly let him up. "Alright, if that's the way you want it." He stood up and headed toward the door.

"Goodbye Cody." Zack sadly stated closing the door behind him.

Cody watched his brother and mother say their goodbyes, from a window high above the city streets.

His heart breaking, he looked on, as for a brief second, Zack wavered before he slid into the cab's back seat.

Cody continued to stare, until the yellow vehicle rounded the corner, and disappeared from sight.

"Goodbye Zack," Cody replied to an empty room.

**************************************************

** The Present**

Carey and Nat stayed behind bombarding the Doctor with more questions. But Cody needed to see Zack if only to make sure his brother was safe and sound.

Walking into the room he had been directed to, he took a deep breath as he noticed all the machinery attached to Zack, as he lied in a bed in the center of the room.

Making his way over to his sleeping twin he noticed how pale he appeared, and felt a twinge of fear course through his body. Cody leaned over and gave him a brotherly kiss on the forehead, as he took his hand in his and sat down beside him.

"I'm here, I'm here." Cody whispered to the sleeping form. "And I'm not going anywhere without you."

**An: Okay this chapter was kind of interesting, because there was a lot of revamping to do once I decided to add a fifth chapter. So hopefully it doesn't seem too choppy. :)**

**The next chapter will be the final one to this story, and I hope it will answer all your questions. **

**Thanks to all my readers and reviewers, until next time….Many Smiles! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Letting Go – Chapter 5: I'm Sorry**

**The Present**

Cody sat in a chair in his brother's hospital room and fiddled with the thin red straw inside his empty coffee cup. Lost in thought, he was startled when a hand gently touched his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you," Nat told him as he pulled up a chair and sat down beside him.

"No it's okay, I was just thinking about Zack and how close we were growing up," Cody said sadly. "I miss the bond we shared. I don't even know how things got so bad between us."

"It happens when no one chooses to say I'm sorry," Nat explained. "Two simple words easily pronounced, and yet because of pride or anger, or whatever else seems important at the time, we forget that."

"Sounds like you know from experience?" Cody surmised. However Nat fell silent, obviously not wanting to elaborate.

Cody watched his brother's chest softly rise and fall and wished he could take back the last few months. Go back to that day on the basketball court when Zack first told him about his plans. But unfortunately that could never be, and he would forever live in regret.

"Zack is a great guy," Nat stated. "He covered my back and saved my life more times than I care to count."

"That's Zack for you, he used to irritate the heck out of me with his ribbing, constantly making jokes and pulling pranks on me." Cody smiled fondly as he spoke. "Yet, he always stood up for me, always took care of me. I love him for that, because underneath his sarcasm and his insensitive behavior I always knew that I was important to him."

"He talked about you all the time," Nat replied with a slight grin. "Not a day went by when I didn't hear one story or another about his little brother."

"It must have gotten annoying after awhile." Cody grinned.

"On the contrary, it kept us going," Nat supplied. "Zack's stories always brought a smile to our faces. And under those circumstances it was a welcome relief."

"Zack has always had a way of finding the comical side in anything," Cody added. "No matter how bad things seemed, he always found something to joke about."

Cody gently picked up his brother's hand and held it in his own. "I don't know what I would do without him; these last few months have been hell," he stated, trying hold back the tears.

"I know what you mean; I'm the baby of four. I have two older sisters and an older brother," Nat said, sadness etched on his features. "My brother was a year older than me, and there's a four year gap separating us from our two older siblings. So we became close and had basically the same relationship as you and Zack."

"Where is he now?" Cody asked. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry."

"No, it's alright, Arlington Cemetery." Nat answered and heard Cody gasp. "When he was twenty, he decided to join the military."

Nat took a moment to clear his throat and collect his thoughts. "We had been watching footage of 9/11 for the past few months, and it horrified us. All those poor people, they never had a chance."

They both remained silent for a few moments reflecting on how evil the world could be.

"So in essence he wanted to fight the good fight and beat the bad guys. He joined and never looked back," Nat emphasized.

"What happened, how did he die?" Cody asked him, regretting the question a moment later.

"He was killed when a suicide bomber decided to blow himself up, along with everyone else in close proximity." Nat paused for a few seconds.

"After Seth died I joined the military to avenge his death. But then I realized no matter how hard I tried, I would never be able to bring him back. So instead I decided to make him proud and honor his memory by helping others. Zack was the one who helped me understand."

"I am so sorry. I don't know what to say." Cody thought about what it would be like if the situations were reversed, and he was the one sitting in Nat's place. "I wish there wasn't so much pain in the world."

"I wish the same thing too," Nat quietly said as he looked over to his friend lying on the hospital bed. "My brother is gone, I can't change that. But yours is still here, don't forget that."

"Like I'd let him." Both Nat and Cody looked over to Zack as he opened his eyes and gently squeezed his brother's hand.

"Zack!" Cody shouted and threw himself onto his brother in a fierce embrace.

"Codes let go, you're hugging the life out of me," Zack chuckled but tightened his grip on his brother as Cody's tears fell faster.

"I think I'll leave you too alone for a minute." Nat smiled and gave his buddy a fist pound. "I'm glad you're awake. I'll be down in the cafeteria with your mom and I'll make sure to give her the good news." With a final nod, he left the room.

Zack held onto Cody as he continued to cry on his shoulder. After awhile Cody's tears subsided and Zack smiled.

"I thought you'd be happier to know that I'm alive and well…well alive anyway." Zack laughed at his own joke even if he felt like a bump on a log.

"Immsmosoeuryrry" Cody mumbled against his ear. "Idilnmeanentit." Zack scooted over so he could give his brother a little more room.

"You're going to have to repeat that, I don't speak gibberish." Zack said with another smile, trying to lighten the mood as he always did. Cody released his hold as they both rested their heads against the pillows behind them.

"Zack, I am so sorry," Cody told him as he cleared his throat. "I didn't mean anything I said to you. I was just…"

"Scared?" Zack supplied and watched as Cody nodded his head.

"Closer to terrified, I just didn't know how to deal with what I was feeling and I blamed you." Cody shifted so he could pull out his wallet. Buried deep within it was a letter and a picture he always carried with him. Pulling out the items he needed to, he replaced the wallet into his back pocket.

"Zack, I…" Cody began.

"Codes, you don't have to…." Zack interrupted but stopped when he noticed the determined look in his brother's eyes.

"Zack, when you told me you were leaving to join the military, I was hurt and angry that you would want to endanger yourself that way." Cody hesitated before he continued. "Yet, what ran through my mind the most was that you were leaving me. That you were trying to get away from me."

"That's crazy," Zack contradicted immediately. "I would never just leave you behind. How could you even think that?"

"I felt empty and alone, and it scared me." Cody continued. "Almost as if I had already lost you. And I didn't want to lose you. Not my twin, my best friend."

"Codes, no matter where we are, or how far apart. You will never lose me, we're joined at the hip remember?"

"I know that now." Cody unfolded the letter he had taken out of his wallet and handed it to his brother.

"You kept the letter?" Zack questioned. "When I didn't receive a reply I was sure you hadn't even opened it." Tears filled his eyes and disappointment showed on his face. "Why didn't you write me?"

Cody sat silently, filled with guilt, wondering how to explain himself.

"Seriously, I would have even been happy with a footnote on one of mom's letters." Zack added, his voice bitter. "How could you let me go all those months thinking I'd lost the most important person in my life?"

"I wanted to write you, I really did. You don't know how many times I sat down and began to do just that." Cody said at last. He sat up and faced his twin. "I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to apologize, mainly because I wasn't ready to except your new life."

"You could have tried," Zack half shouted, feeling himself become upset, despite the happy reunion moments earlier. "I would basically rip open each letter in the hopes of receiving something from you. But nothing came, so I just learned to accept it. Do you realize how hard that was for me? To come to terms with the fact that you just didn't give a damn."

"Zack, please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel that way." Cody tried to reason with his distraught older half. "I was an idiot and I know that now, but at the time I just didn't know what to do."

Cody reached over and tried to grab a hold of his brother's hand again, but Zack just pulled it away. "Cody, just leave. I need some time alone."

"Zack, please don't push me away," Cody responded desperately. He didn't want their newfound understanding to fall apart so quickly.

"Why not? You had no problems doing that to me?" Zack replied, staring coldly into his brother's eyes. "Codes, please just go."

"Okay, I'll be outside these doors if you need me." Cody turned away from his twin and headed for the exit.

Cody paused at the door and placed a hand on the knob. With a sigh he leaned his forehead against the thick piece of wood. He was barely audible when he whispered his next few words into the quiet room.

"Zack, I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say." With that said he slowly opened the door and walked out into the hall.

Zack watched, feeling miserable at the turn of events. He had waited so long to see his little brother again, and now he'd just asked Cody to leave. He didn't know whether to cry, kick himself, or scream in frustration. Their conversation had released feelings he hadn't even been aware of.

Leaning his head against his headboard, he closed his eyes. When his fingers touched a piece of paper sitting on his lap, he remembered the letter and picture his little brother had taken out of his wallet. He opened it up and began to read the letter that he had written to his brother so long ago.

* * *

**Flashback - Eighteen Months Earlier**

Zack Martin had finally found the time to sit and answer some letters. With as many drills as he'd been through lately, he welcomed the opportunity to relax a bit.

Zack held his breath as he sorted through the small stack of envelopes. Several had come from his family at the hotel, as well as his shipmates aboard the _S.S. Tipton_. As he continued to sift through he found a couple of letters from his grandmother and his parents.

He felt hurt and disappointed that he hadn't received anything from Cody.

Although since he hadn't gotten as much as a post-it from his brother in the past six months, he found he wasn't too surprised, a thought which thoroughly scared and distressed him. After tearing a page from a blank notebook, he began to write his thoughts down in the hopes that Cody would take the time to read them.

Dear Codes:

I don't know where to start, except maybe I've missed you these last few months. I don't know why you haven't answered any of my letters and emails but I really wish you would. I know you're mad at me. But, we're brothers and it would be nice to get a letter from you every now and again.

I heard that you're doing a great job at Harvard. The dean has even had you over for dinner a few times. That's great bro; is he still a stuffed shirt? Well, make sure you say hi to Olivia for me.

I'm shipping out soon. My first tour of duty begins in a few weeks, and I'd really like it if you would write to me. Codes I don't want to beg, but I don't know what else to do. This isn't going to be easy for me and it would help to know that you're in my corner.

I am sorry for everything I put you through. I know that I am partly to blame for the way things ended. But Cody, if you expect me to apologize for living my life I can't do that, but I would think that as my brother you would want to be a part of it, no matter what has happened.

Please write to me, I can't make it out there without knowing that everything will be okay between us. I need to know that you and I will be able to get past this. I love you, bro.

Zack

Zack looked over the piece of paper in his hands and thoughts of what Cody might write in reply went through his mind.

* * *

**The Present**

Zack sat in silence, trying to put his thoughts together. He hadn't realized how angry he was with Cody. He had waited and waited for something from his brother for so long, and each time he found himself disappointed.

He was about to fold his letter up when he realized there was another sheet stuck behind it. Separating the two, he realized it was a letter from Cody. Judging from the date, the letter had been written a while ago, yet Cody apparently had decided not to mail it.

So he began to read words that were so hard for Cody to say, and finally Zack's anger dissipated until it no longer existed. And finally he was able to understand.

**An: Okay if I keep going this chapter will become an epic in itself. So I will break it in half, and finalize this story with another chapter. But I would really like some input as too what you think. I honestly think it could be better!**

**I am so behind on everything, it's ridiculous. Between updating to reviewing it's going to be a crazy week.**

**Many Thanks! Take Care! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

"**When life held troubled times and had me down on my knees  
there's always been someone there to come along and comfort me.  
A kind word from a stranger to lend a helping hand.  
A phone call from a friend just to say I understand.  
And ain't it kind of funny that at the dark end of the road.  
Someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope****"**

**Angels Among us**

**By Alabama**

* * *

**Letting Go: Chapter 6 - I'm Sorry…Continued.**

**The Present**

Zack had always been able to keep his emotions in check. Being a solider you had no choice but too. Yet he found as he continued to read this letter all his resolve melted away and he began to cry.

His vision growing blurry as each new drop hit the white piece of parchment that held all his brother's thoughts and fears. All those months with no word, not a single line or signature that showed Cody even remembered he had a brother.

Zack had found himself resenting his younger twin, and feeling abandoned and hurt by his brother's actions. Battles surrounded him and filled his days with chaos and danger; his nights were filled with thoughts of his family, but mostly of Cody.

So many questions still lingered unresolved in his mind. Cody had made it clear that if he were to leave, he would never be forgiven. But his heart was conflicted, one part of him knew that this is where he belonged, this was who he was. But the other part took into account his brother's arguments.

Was he really being selfish? Had he really given much thought to how his family would feel if anything were to happen to him? In those dark hours before sleep, those were the questions that haunted him the most. He continued to wipe the wet substance from his cheeks as his eyes adjusted to the words he read.

_Hey Zack:_

_It's been a while, hasn't it? I take full blame, I just can't seem to get these words right. I have started and ended over a few dozen letters and they all sit in a top drawer of the desk in our room. _

_I wanted to send them out, but I just kept thinking that if I did it would mean I was saying goodbye, and I just couldn't bring _

_myself to do that. _

_I know you probably don't understand this, but as I wrote down each line, they seemed to cement your fate in my mind. I thought maybe if I left them in that drawer, you would be forced to return home to read them. Crazy thought, huh?_

_We were so close growing up and the thought of losing you terrified me. When you left it was as if a cord had been cut and the bond we share was shattered. I can't bear to see you hurting but I didn't want you to leave knowing I may have prevented something bad from happening. _

_I guess you could say I was being selfish and only thinking of myself, because the thought of never seeing that goofy smile of yours again broke my heart. I felt so lost and alone, and scared. I realized in those few moments on that basketball court how much you mean to me. _

_I need you in my life I need you to be beside me when the world becomes too much for me to handle. To cheer me on when I graduate from college, to stand beside me when I marry, to help raise my kids. I don't want them to miss out on knowing you, and having their crazy uncle Zack around._

_I know we have our separate lives to live, but I just wish you hadn't chosen this one. Because it means that there is more of a chance I may lose you and all those dreams will never come to pass. You are the most important person in my life, and my life would be empty without you. I don't think there are enough doctors in the world to help patch up a hole that deep, or a heart that broken and shattered._

_Please don't get me wrong, I am so, so very proud of you. I can't help but gloat at your accomplishments, and mom keeps me up to date on every single one. But I don't want to be given a serious of metals when you return home, or a folded up flag. I want you to carry them home; I want you to put up that flag, because without you both would be meaningless._

_I miss you so much, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you, or pick up a picture of you. I was looking in the mirror the other morning and a thought occurred to me, I could always see a part of you, in that image, but suddenly you weren't there. And I had to take a step back because a loneliness like no other filled me, and it was hard to except it._

_I guess being identical twins and somewhat mirror images of one another can make two people seem like one at times. I would guess some would be a little frightened by that thought, but not me, it was a comforting sight._

_I always knew that the likeness staring back at me was me, but knowing there was a part of you in there somewhere, made me feel less…sad. I hope this makes sense, because I am not sure if I'm explaining this right, but somehow I think you know what I mean._

_I wonder sometimes if we still have that connection, if it indeed isn't broken but simply lost. I was doing my homework one night and I swear I heard you call my name. I don't know, maybe this was all in my imagination, yet I knew somewhere deep down you've had the same experiences._

_I need you to come home safely, I need you to take care of yourself so that you can live a long happy life and perhaps outlive me, of course preferably we'll be old farts sitting in our rocking chairs and trying to remember our own names when that time comes. But I can see that happening. _

_I love you so much bro, please, please come home. Life just isn't the same without you._

_Always Cody_

Just then there was a knock on the door and Zack couldn't help but feel a little saddened when Nat and his mother walked in, for he'd hoped it was his little brother. As soon as they saw the tears flowing down his face a concerned looked appeared across their features.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Carey cried rushing over to sit beside him. "Are you hurting should I get a doctor?"

"No, I'm just reading a letter." Zack cleared his throat trying to keep his emotions in check. But somehow that didn't seem so important anymore. "Mom, could you ask Cody to come in?"

"I'll go," Nat announced. "I think he may be in the chapel."

"Just please get him for me." Zack cried. "And Nat, thanks for everything."

Nat nodded and left the room in search of his friend's brother.

"Mom, I missed you." Zack cried as Carey wrapped her arms around him and let him cry on her shoulder. "I missed you both so much, war is hell on earth."

Carey let her son cry and felt him release all those feelings he had buried inside him for so long. He clinged to her as he did when he was a child, and she had comforted him after a horrifying nightmare and this was no different.

She couldn't imagine what her oldest son went through, and she knew she never would be able too. But that didn't matter anymore because he was home again, and her sleepless nights would be few and far between, because she knew he would be safe.

* * *

Nat found the sign marked chapel and entered the two double doors. He spent quite a few hours in this place when he returned and was recuperating from his injuries, taking comfort in the small room with a cross overlooking the pew's that sat before it.

He didn't have to search long to find the person he'd been looking for. Sitting in the back row tears filling his eyes was Cody wounded and hurt. He'd never been good at giving a pep talk so he simply sat beside him and waited for him to speak.

"I hurt him, I didn't mean to." Cody stated through his tears. "Now he can't even look at me."

"He loves you," Nat stated. "But hurt takes time to heal."

"Do you have a specific time frame you can give me?" Cody halfheartedly joked. "Because I'd really like to know how long that takes, even how long it takes to forgive for that matter."

"I'm sure Zack forgives you already." He told him as Cody placed his head in his hands.

"I know he does, but how long will it be before I can forgive myself?" Cody asked wiping another tear from his cheek. "I made leaving hard on him, and worst of all I cut myself off from him completely. What kind of a brother does that? I was so afraid to see him hurt physically that I refused to see the emotional impact my silence was causing him."

"That was a mistake, but it's over and you're here now." Nat said putting a hand on his shoulder for support. "That's all that really matters. The past is the past, it can't be undone, what you have is here and now, and depending on what you do with it, it will determine your future."

"How did you become such a philosopher?" Cody smiled.

"I guess I just learned to look beyond all the death and destruction and believe that there is something more out there, something bigger than us. That all this suffering has a purpose and we just need to look beyond it at what's good and pure." He stated. "Like the relationship you have with your family. Trust in that, trust in the fact that no matter what happens, your family will always love you, and understand."

"You're right, but if I may make a suggestion, I think it's time to forgive yourself?" Cody stated.

In his time of trying to help his best friend and his brother, he had almost forgotten about his own family.

"Seth I am sure would have been proud of you, but you need to live your life for you, and not anyone else." Cody continued. "That's what this whole situation taught me, that even though your family loves you and will always be there for you, in the end you determine your own path and let the people around you determine theirs, with a little help from up above that is. Let the past go, let it rest in peace."

"You are a very smart man you know that?" Nat smiled. "Take care of one another, a bond like yours doesn't come along every day."

Cody gave the man a slight hug and the oddest feeling came over him. A sense of peace, almost as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. And in that moment he knew this man was someone special.

"I think I should go and see Zack now." He stated getting up. "Thanks, you are truly heaven sent." He added with a smile finally leaving the small chapel.

Nathan sat in silence and an overwhelming feeling of happiness washed over him. A tall man in a uniform walked over and sat down beside him smiling as well.

* * *

Cody walked into Zack's room hesitantly, not wanting to disturb the tender moment between his mother and brother. But as soon as Zack saw him he smiled and beckoned him to them, in the next moment all three were holding one another in a strong embrace, tears flowing freely as they reunited.

Cody laid down next to his brother as Carey sat beside them, taking comfort in the closeness the three shared. She smiled at the two men she had helped to raise and felt an tremendous sense of pride. Her two little boys had become caring, kind hearted and loving adults and she knew that her prayers had been answered.

She turned around expecting to see Nat so she could thank him for bringing them together, but realized he wasn't in the room. Figuring he must still be in the chapel she gave her twins another hug, just as a nurse quietly walked in to check up on Zack's vital signs. Satisfied with the results she was about to leave when Carey stopped her.

"Excuse me, but is there any way you could do me a favor," She asked. "I know you're probably busy, but my son's friend is in the chapel down the hall, is there any way you could ask him to return."

"Of course." She smiled. "What's his name?"

"Oh, I'm sorry his name is Nathan Bryers." Carey smiled only to see confusion cross the other woman's face. "Are you alright?"

"I'm sorry, what's his name?" she asked. "I'm not sure if I heard you correctly."

"Nathan Bryers, Private Nathan Bryers." Carey repeated as Cody and Zack were now eyeing the nurse with concern. "Is something wrong?"

"I'm sorry you must be confused," She exclaimed a bit shocked. "Nathan Bryers died last week from injuries he sustained in Afghanistan."

"But, that's impossible he's the one that brought us here." Cody told her. "You must be mistaken."

Everyone in the room looked perplexed at the news they had just been given.

"I know it was him, I was there when the doctor signed his body over to the morgue." She stated. "I remember, because his dying wish was to be buried in Arlington next to his brother."

And with one final apology she walked out of the room leaving the three occupants in silence. So many thoughts filled their minds, so many questions without answers.

But as they took a hold of one another's hands and sent up a prayer to their friend, they concluded that sometimes there didn't need to be an explanation.

The world was truly filled with miracles and God had sent them an angel to help them find their way home to one another. With one final glance upward, Zack wished his friend a fond farewell and a very heartfelt thank you.

* * *

"You did good little brother." Seth exclaimed as he draped an arm over his brother's shoulders. "I'm very proud of you."

"Zack did so much for me; I wanted to return the favor." Nat told him. "Everything will be fine now, I finished my mission."

"Then by all means grandma's pie is waiting." Seth laughed at the surprised look on his brother's face. "What, it's your favorite, and what's heaven without her famous apple pie."

"Then you're right, we better get moving." Nat smirked. "I hear great uncle Albert has a mean appetite."

The two figures stood, still laughing as they headed up to the altar, Nat turned one final time and listened to Zack's voice.

"You're Welcome my friend." He then turned his attention to his older brother once more, as they headed home and disappeared from view.

**The End! **

* * *

**An:** All finished, I want to thank everyone for sticking with me through this story. Through you're encouraging reviews I decided to change the ending a bit. Originally this story was to be four chapters and Zack had died at the end. Nat was there as an angel to help the Martins deal with their loss. But now I am so glad you convinced me too change this because I think this may be one of my favorites, and all you're reviews and comments made it possible for me to continue. So thank you all for your kindness and support! :)

I would like to send a special thank you to Tiger002 for all his thoughts and advice. As well as Elianna22 for all her thoughts as well. :)

As for the idea it originally came about after hearing a song called "Angels among us" by Alabama so please take a listen when you get a minute, it's a really touching and heartwarming song. If you are interested there's an amazing version on you tube under the title "Alabama Angels Among us….Hero's Tribute" this video was sent to me by Tiger002 and is definitely worth watching but I warn you, you may want to keep a tissue handy. Until next time Take Care!

* * *

_**Oh I believe there are angels among us.**_

_**Sent down to us from somewhere up above.**_

_**They come to you and me in our darkest hours**_

_**To show us how to live to teach us how to give.**_

_**To guide us with the light of love.**_

**To guide us with the light of love.**


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